Thursday, January 3, 2013

Look out World, Here We Come

We venture out more and more these days, emerging bit by bit from our self-imposed isolation, finding our way more into "The World."

I struggle with this.

My control issues, my insecurities, my fears about US and autism and "shoulds" cause the struggle, as much as I want to turn my back on these things.

I brought the Rooster to my office a couple of times when I was short of babysitters and he was off school for the holidays. I tensed, cringed, held breath, loved him, hoped, explained, tried not to apologize. I exercised my weak trust muscle, even though it twinged and shook a bit.

We did okay. I got my work done. Rooster connected in his own way.

A friend and colleague gently described the Rooster as "the happiest drunk at the party" and I willed myself to get what he meant and not turn it in to a reason to suffer unnecessarily.

We took the kids to more parks and parties and stores, and I exercised my weak patience muscles, including the one that smiles. 

I read about another mom honestly sharing her similar-but-different struggles in "The World" and had an epiphany --- realized how I have often silently and unfairly judged: "WHY don't you JUST STAY HOME? WHAT ON EARTH could you be thinking, taking your family out into the WORLD so much?"

Why should we cower? Who does that benefit? How can we grow in hiding?

I think 2013 is going to be our Roostery Family's year of Hello, World. 


PBear said...

It is hard, especially when they are having a hard time of it. But practice is the only way it will get easier for him, so keep trying :-) And we're not all judging you, some of us are thinking 'oh yes, I remember those days, poor things!'

kim mccafferty said...

Best of luck with this, we became more adventurous last year, most of the time it worked!