Thursday, May 12, 2011

Tired Meme

I am tired
Of being tired,
Of talking about my tired,
Of yawning, swollen-eyed, in a bleary mirror
Of lather-rinse-repeat fatigue;
Aren't you tired, at least, at last, of this poem? Of me?

I am tired
of complaining,
of trying not to complain,
of admiring optimists,
of fearing optimism,
of the known quantity of my kvetching
even as I write this.

I am tired
of guilt - others' guilt as well as my own;
of pity - getting and giving;
of comparisons, of stares, of explanations;
of sorry, please, thank you, and the lack thereof.

Coming and going, backward and forward tired.

I am tired of seeing the fatigue around me
in my generous circle
of those who desperately want to help each other
and would
if not for their own, real, unflagging, well earned
Are you nodding a sleepy head?

I am tired
of those who are not tired, who,
at the salon, in the mall, on the talk show, in their bubbles contribute to the crush of exhaustion
sometimes with tiresome judgments and cruel commentary,
with malice and indifference;
of those who, alas, do not merit a place in poetry.

I am tired
of poor word choices;
of thinking about the r word;
of people saying spectrum but meaning only sky blue and teal.

I am tired
around and pertaining to parenting,
around and pertaining to special needs,
but not of them.
I am tired of not being the best I can be,
for and with my kids,
but not of them.
For them, I will be tired.
For them, I would not choose the restive road.
My tired friends, you know what I mean.

I own that tired is Okay. There is worse than tired.
I have a tired mantra I offer my kids.
"Try. Learn. Love. And be happy."
Worn to cliche, I do not know if they hear me.
But I hear me.
And still, though weary, I rise.


Tina said...

You know what - I am tired too!

Alysia said...

I am tired too. A tired that no one but us special needs parents can understand. Thank you for this poem.