Sunday, November 29, 2009

Nothing but the Truth

My favorite joke these days is an old joke, a dark joke, a joke many of you will not find a bit funny.
But it's a free country, and we're all entitled to our own sense of humor. Since I've worked hard on being thankful and positive for the last few weeks, I think I need a little outlet after five days home, if you know what I mean.

So what is my favorite "joke" lately?
Nothing.

I mean that literally. It goes like this, with numerous variations on the theme... I take my kids somewhere, usually a place that is entirely for them and costs me a small fortune, and they fight, spit, scream, whine, cry and scream. On the way home I say, "Know what I really enjoyed about that experience?"

Wait for it...
"Nothing."

Yes, it's childish and petty and unnecessary, but C'MON. Seriously. Must I implode?

Today, for example, we drove an hour to try to have a family meal at a restaurant that was our last best chance at being Rooster (and Peaches) friendly. This place is ON THE BEACH. It has the word PARADISE in its name. You sit with your feet in the SAND. They have a gfcf fruit salad to kill for, chicken fingers that Peaches loves and rarely gets to have, and they bring you crayons and coloring pages. This should be Nirvana for both of my kids. But all the way there Rooster was upset because he wanted to be watching TV. Peaches was in a frenzy of "mine." We got a table facing the freaking Pacific Ocean, the breeze blowing, pretty girls sunning themselves, no overstimulating noises, no crowds, no dramas anywhere but at our table. We had fast service, the works.

But know what I enjoyed about my meal?
You certainly do...
NOTHING. I might have hit gratitude overload. I am so sorry about that. I know I should be grateful for the little bit of salad my children's fighting and SPITTING (GROSS) and fork throwing permitted me to shovel in, and I really and truly am glad I have food to eat and money to pay for my food, but I wanted to scream as badly as I've wanted to scream in a long time.

So I come here. I scream into blogland. I scream out my dark humor, and it makes room for me to find my sanity again.

I enjoyed Thanksgiving. Best one we had in years. I am grateful for the reminder to be grateful, too. I am wholly aware life could be a lot worse, in myriad ways. One glance at the news is all it takes to remind me should I begin for forget even for a second. I think often of how much real suffering there is in the world, and I count my blessings, too.

But you know what I'm liking about autism these days? What I'm liking about what autism means for our family life?
NOTHING.

Whewww. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

8 comments:

pixiemama said...

Totally OK to feel that way as often as you need to.

love.

Christine said...

I know I've said this before but it is important to hear so I'll say it again: It gets better. It gets easier. Yes. There will still be times when it freakin' sucks, but the Rooster and your family will find your way.

You will.

Niksmom said...

I totally get it. Normal. xo

goodfountain said...

Your kids fight the way mine fight. And it's like once they get going, they can't stop. Other days, wonderful.

Stephanie said...

Yeup, I'm sitting right there with you.

asdmommy said...

Nothing (no pun intended) to say except I get it. Totally. HUGS.

jess wilson said...

that's what we're here for, darlin. sometimes, it's just hard.

P said...

I'm laughin' my arse off on the other side of the country. Yes, I totally get it. And, I can hear you saying it with a smirk on your face. Autism or not, we've all had experiences like this. Just when you try to do something NICE for your kids, they totally don't appreciate it. Ungrateful little brats (just kidding) -- oh, wait --they're 5 and 3. Hmm...deep breaths (in with the good, out with the bad).