Circles

Usually when I come to this space to write, I have some point or idea or through line on my mind. But right now I find myself wanting to just capture the weekend. It's a very different feeling; usually, I come to blog not to tell anyone anything, just to work out whatever happens to be chewing on me. It's how I process. But today feels more like the desire to scrapbook, only with words.

Today is my sixth wedding anniversary, so perhaps that's what has me in this frame of mind. Come to think of it, the weekend was full of more milestone-y events...

Friday marked the last day of work for all the teachers at school, and while I work year round with a handful of other folks, we all participated together in closure activities, including breaking into small groups to get to know one another on a more personal level. My small circle of eight included an age range of probably around thirty-five years, different races and countries of origin, and represented vastly different jobs within the school community. Nonetheless, we found by answering simple questions pulled randomly from a bag that we have a great deal more in common then we guessed. We ended up in tears, and I left remembering how fortunate I feel to have my children in this community with me.

We spent Saturday at a baby shower, celebrating the cousin-on-the-way for the rooster and Peaches. The rooster struggled to regulate his behavior in such a grownup environment, despite having a pack of kids around him. Other kids came to let me know about the various tangles and turmoil, and I felt frustrated with my boy for repeatedly breaking rules and getting aggressive, but then my smart husband pointed out that for the first time ever we managed to sit and eat some food and let both kids play for at least a couple of minutes here and there... there is progress, and I am glad he reminded me to appreciate it.

After a long day, we enjoyed having our fantastic sitter (waving hands in the air to dispel bad luck that she will move away or refuse to sit for us ever again) come so that we could go out for an anniversary dinner. at six We went to a place we've been many times, not fancy at all, and we loved it. Three minutes before nine, we pulled back in the driveway, too lame to even know how to stay out any later.

Today we had friends over for a little barbecue for the first time since we bought this house last July 28. Wow, it was wonderful to do that and to see them, but it's clear why it took us so long. We had a good time, but clearly my husband and I are not good at this. We were sloppy and unorganized hosts and we didn't do a very good job of serving, or really of anything. I think the food turned out well, or at least I assumed it did because my husband does a good job with the grilling usually, but I don't know for sure because I didn't eat much other than corn on the cob. I loved seeing my friends, but it's hard for me to see our rooster upsetting their well behaved kids, and I feel like I'm on secret service duty with him in a way; vigilant. There were five kids here, and five adults, but my how outnumbered I felt in some moments. As they left, I had this urge to apologize the whole time. And yet, I loved having them here. It was a joy, and I think it's why I'm blogging tonight. I have friendship afterglow! People I really care about came to my home. I would rather have hidden our many foibles, but alas, I guess if you are going to show your foibles, who better to show them to but the people you trust? It is a happy anniversary.

I am a slow learner, this is readily apparent to all. But during the evening I admitted that I thought by now things would have gotten a little easier. One of our guests, CM, said it so well. She said, "Really? I don't know why you thought that! I knew you before you had kids, and so I really don't know why you thought that! Let's have this conversation again in ten years and then see what you say!" It reminded of my friend C again, telling me that if it weren't autism, it'd be something else; overwhelmed is who I am. Also tonight CM said that it's important to remember not to live for someday when things get easier, but to be here right now and make things good and enjoy them, because these are supposed to be the good years. I have smart friends.

If there is a point to this blog, I guess that is it. I love my friends.