Whenever I am away from my children, I miss them. Sure, I need breaks from them, and crave a little time to myself once in a while, but my children grow and change every day, and I hate missing time with them. These difficult and beautiful children have become my addiction.
On the other hand, I will guiltily admit that, when I am with my kids, I miss some frivolous things. I am not talking about necessary things, like sleep, that I miss with a deep and abiding yearning, but about silly indulgences. I know this makes me seem selfish and ungrateful, but it's honest. I miss watching the news. Sadly, the news is too R Rated these days to watch around G ears. I miss trying out new recipes in the kitchen. J and I used to have romantic cooking dates, try sophisticated new meals or complicated Sunday pancakes from scratch. Now, we lack the time, the space and the energy, and our kids would never eat the dishes we used to enjoy concocting.
I really miss talking on the phone. I really miss that a lot lately.
My kids get nutty when I talk on the phone, competing for my attention, and I can't say the things I want or need to with them around, and they interrupt constantly, but one sad obstacle to having conversations is that I no longer have many people I can call. Many of my dear friends and much of my family live on the East Coast, and though they love me, I can't in good conscience ring them up after 7 my time, when they are heading do bed. In my own city, I have a few very close friends. I can call them. They are beautiful and wonderful, and they share and listen. They have heard, mostly face to face, all about the BIG THINGS going on with me, some to the point I feel ashamed I haven't coughed up a copay or something. For this reason, I can't always get myself to call them. I can't figure out what to say sometimes that is different from what I say every time.
I remember talking on the phone with a nostalgia that may be misguided and just plain wrong, but I miss CHATTING. I miss exchanging witticisms. I miss joking around. I miss banter, friendly sarcasm, even little bits of celebrity gossip once in a while.
I miss talking about what my friends and I saw on TV and what we cooked this weekend.
But these are small things to miss. They are nothing like being an airplane ride away and longing for two little arms wrapped around my neck.
Still, I am wondering, what small things do you miss?
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Two kids, two full time careers - lots of people do it gracefully, but for me it's a challenge, particularly as I struggle with my boy, the rooster, and his "constellation" of health and developmental issues. Medicine so far fails to cure what ails us, so I'm trying a self-prescribed intensive dose of blogging to see if that does the trick.
6 comments:
Reading.
Reading also. Or more specifically, reading without guilt that I should be doing something else.
I miss being alone in the house, dinner-and-a-movie dates with my husband without having to pay a sitter, just listening to the waves at the beach, and weekend naps with no wake-up time.
I really miss evenings with my husband. I put the kids to bed and I really love to lie there and snuggle with Tommy until he falls asleep. But then I ALWAYS fall asleep too. I ALWAYS intend to get back up and talk or watch tv or something minor like that, and almost never do.
But I keep thinking that someday Tommy won't want me to snuggle anymore. And hopefully my husband always will.
Waking up on a Saturday (after 10) and not having any idea what I'm doing that day!
I miss the chatting as well...and the goofing off, but I try to do that with my kids. I miss warm summer nights driving around town, going to a movie, going out to dinner and then sitting out on the warmth of the driveway...
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