Saturday, November 1, 2008

Undone

How ridiculous will I look if it's a cold that finally undoes me?
A COLD.
But it could happen. It could be my dimpled chad, the straw to my camel hump.
My COLD could be the thing that sends me to the hospital (medical) or the hospital (mental), or jail.
Sure, I have a bad cold, but my pride still rankles at the possibility of a cold doing me in, even if this cold comes with fever and likely infection. On the one hand, I feel so ABOVE a cold breaking me. On the other hand, I think at least some people -- some of YOU people -- will forgive me, will understand. You'll be able to tell people, in a mitigating way: Well, it went beyond just the cold. (As in, the death of a thousand paper cuts.) You can tell people: She really did put up a good fight, no matter how it might look.

Won't you?

Every single night when I am awake at 2 or 3 or 2:43 in the morning, I wonder how long a body can take it. And today, when 6 came and kids finally convinced me to rise after being awakened a handful of times, my body answered: No More.
This "cold" signifies a rebellion of my pudgy, hypervigilant, fatigued, underbathed, and assaulted mortal shell.
I have a cup of tea on the counter, a lozenge in my mouth, tissues in my pocket, Aleve in my system, soup in my belly, but I recognize I don't stand a chance. My immune system got up and left town in disgust months ago.
My next post will include important last words, goodbyes, and bequests; or, I will get some deep, satisfying, REM sleep.
Hmmmm, which one sounds unlikely?

4 comments:

Niksmom said...

Oy vey! Feel better soon!

kia (good enough mama) said...

I'm really hoping it's the sleep option. Really. Do let us know. You know, from the great beyond or your armchair or wherever. ;)

Get better fast!

redheadmomma said...

I am not happy. Not only because of your cold, but because I try to click "rss" feed to subscribe to you, and there is no link to do so!!! WTF? I am SO sorry I don't seem to be able to subscribe to this... you are one of my fave bloggers. NOT HAPPY

pixiemama said...

I'm a total sick-o when I get sick. I always find myself thinking that if this (fill-in-the-blank illness) does kill me and my husband gets remarried (you know he will) that his new wife will be truly awful, and he will always pine for the happiness we had. You know, that he will finally realize how good he had it. Always makes me feel better - at least while I'm thinking it.