I'm a teacher, and I know we teachers are notoriously bad at being on the other side of the desk. We talk through presentations, don't always clean up after ourselves, sometimes we have trouble sharing. But I want to break that mold. I want to learn about and from the rooster, and I want to practice what I preach: work hard, pay attention, and enjoy the process. Blogging might in fact be part of my sharing homework.
L, one of my best friends who teaches at my school tells her students this when they have a tantrum over not getting this or that thing that they wanted: "You get what you get, and you don't get upset." I think she makes them practically sing it - you gotta love that. I've been thinking it applies to having kids. You might have had some image in your mind of the Mini Me you were hoping for, but whatever little swimmer matched up with that month's egg had final say. Boom - you get what you get. No point in having a tantrum about it...
Of course, I wouldn't trade my rooster for anything in the world. And honestly, I never was looking for a Mini Me. I love him for all the ways that he is. I guess the truth is -- and go ahead and hate me, tell me how awful I sound -- I have had moments of wondering if he is the rooster he was always meant to be, or if somehow he got hurt on his journey. Mostly these are thoughts born of my habitual guilt habit, but I'm sure I am not alone. I am sure many a mom has wondered to herself, what if I hadn't eaten that sandwich when I was pregnant? But you know what? I know that my rooster is not "broken." He is complicated. But he is whole. I just have to help him find a place of more peacefulness, more comfort in the world. This could be a lesson we both were meant to learn together.
So, all I'm saying tonight is, after having visited the darker, useless, counterproductive, ugly thoughts, I've decided to take a page from L's plan book, and give myself a little schooling. I'm softly humming the mantra: You get who you get, and you don't get upset.
I love you so big, Rooster, forever.
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2 comments:
I love that little song. My son's preschool teacher used to say/sing that.
I too have tormented myself with the "what ifs" .... what if I hadn't taken that medication while I was pregnant? did I eat too much tuna? and on and on.
It's hard not to go there.
I fully agree with you - that he's complicated. And whole. Beautifully put. It's amazing the lessons they teach us.
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