Thursday, February 28, 2008

Positivity

Positivity. If you came here looking for some, you've come to the wrong blog. Please use your browser accordingly, and I'll see you next time.

Today, I'm in a place I visit from time to time, called Positivity Sucks.

Now, before you go telling me about the power of positive thinking -- which is crap, and you know it -- let me explain that I'm not wallowing in negativity, I'm not itching for a fight, I only have one foot in the pity party, and I don't mean to offend anyone with the rant I am about to unleash on "the bright side."

Oh, sure, I'll take a "It'll be okay" any day. Those are always welcome. But, and I say this with all due respect, there are people out there whose "bright side" is just GLARINGLY artificial, like mall lighting. And I'm so tired, so tired, so tired, that I need to flip the switch off on those people just now. I did, after all, start my day at 3:30 a.m., and the bright siders, I feel confident, did not.

Who are these bright siders? No, not you... of course not you. But the bright siders are a lot like us. Good people. Nice people. Well intentioned. I love them. But if I say that a pit bull latched on to my foot and so I'm going to have to have it amputated and the insurance company refuses to pay for anesthesia and my doctor speaks only Swahili so I'm having panic attacks so bad before the appointments that I'm on the other line with a hot line so I don't just end it all, bright siders say, "Oh, isn't it just wonderful that you have another foot! I'm so glad. At least you have a doctor, not everybody has one. Thanks for calling. Thanks for letting me know you're okay. That's GREAT! Kiss kiss!"

I just sometimes need to say that what sucks, sucks. Yes, there are suckier things. Yes, other people have sucky and suckier things. Yes, I have good things, wondrous magical things too. I am appreciative, I am grateful, I am loving, I am passionate. And tired. False positivity is the salt in the cracks of a forced smile.

If your preschooler is NT, the picture of health, and right now cheerfully coloring you a picture while singing "If you're happy and you know it..." but your husband forgot your birthday, your boss nixed your raise, your car broke down on the 405, and you're waiting for scary test results from your obgyn, I am not going to tell you, "Yeah, but your kid is easier than mine is." Ain't got nothing to do with the price of tea in China. You are entitled to say, in my humble opinion, that what sucks, sucks. In fact, I'll just listen, read your blog if you've got one, and suggest you start one if you don't. I'll tell you two truths: 1. It'll be alright. 2. But it really does suck right now.

And that's as positive as you're going to get from me tonight.

5 comments:

Niksmom said...

Do you have any idea how damn funny you are!? Really. This is freaking brilliant! I LOVE IT!

Next time I am having one of those days (um, which would have been Monday when they canceled our hospital visit without calling us and I found out by calling...), I will simply post a link to your post and write "What she said."

Hope the suckiness ends soon.

Joeymom said...

I've got a friend that calls me whenever she has nothing better to do. Which is a LOT. She's a "fixer." If you want to complain about having to drive half and hour to get your kid to therapy when gas is $3 a gallon and your kid is really too tired to be doing anything anyway and the other kid is turning a lovely shade of green just thinking about the car, she tries to tell me fifteen ways of keeping the child from throwing up, remind me that I can cancel appointments, and shouldn't i be getting a more fuel-efficient car?

Sometimes I just forget to answer that ring-a-ling sound coming from the direction of the phone...

goodfountain said...

Amen. Sometimes things suck and that's all there is to it.

kristenspina said...

I agree. Sometimes it does simply suck. And nothing more needs to be said.

Lately I've been trying to find the upside, but ask anyone who knows me: in my heart of hearts, I'm a glass half empty kind of gal.

Today's the IEP? Put on your thick skin and let us know what happens.

(Hope you guys get some sleep soon, because that, in fact, is the thing that sucks more than anything.)

redheadmomma said...

I think that this corner of the blogosphere is really quite lovely, because it seems so many of us are okay with sitting in the muck. And my blog is a walking exercise to practice being okay with it - being okay with days that suck, being okay with the grief I went through after Noah's dx, being okay with having a terrifically crappy time of it at times.

I have a neighbor who is so incredibly positive, it's like that fake positive, and I wonder if she does that to get away, kicking & screaming, from the not so pleasant stuff, and wonder what happens to her in those moments alone when it catches up with her.

Really great post. I love your honesty.