Sunday, September 2, 2012

italics

Here is the thing,
the crux of my issues
probably the reason I write this blog.

Once upon a time, I had a wish list.
It went like this:

Fall in love with a really good man.
Make babies.
Love one another.
Work hard.
Learn much.
Enjoy life.
Celebrate being a family.

And then...
then, dare I say it?
Scared, I dare:
Then:
{shhhh} i got it.

I got a lot more too.
Circumstances. Life. Complexity. And that includes autism, too.

But how can a woman complain
Who got everything she ever wanted?
I mean...
Wow! That is some kind of greed right there sista.

To whom much is given much is expected, right?
Nothing important is easy, right?

So here it is. The crux. The seed.

I have to stop expecting my children's childhoods to somehow make up for my childhood.
It's not all about me. *It's not much about me.*
My kids are not my parents.
They don't owe me anything.
I am the grownup. I owe them everything.
These are my painful truths that I confess to you.
I need to wrap my mind around them.
Then I will stop forgetting to relish having everything I ever asked for -- plus a little -- extra.

And I will exude the gratitude that I feel today, and never let it go again.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I could have written this poem. I just discovered your blog today, recommended from a woman I reached out to in coming to tears with the ASD of my youngest son.

Thanks for writing.

Rooster's Mom said...

Dear Anonymous,
Thank you.
It's nice to meet you.
I get lonely here sometimes!
It's nice to know someone felt my blog could be helpful, too.
Sending warm wishes to your family,
Rooster's Momma