Tonight, I am pretty sure I was stoned on Sudafed.
I say pretty sure, because I've never done drugs, but I certainly felt an altered state of consciousness as I zoned out, stared into space, left sentences unfinished, and could not for the life of me find the organic macaroni and cheese kit in the cabinet.
Sadly, I liked how I felt. Not just because my headache went away and I could breathe again, either.
So, no more Sudafed for me! I will tough it out through this horrible sinus business, but I am not a fan of altered states of consciousness because, as enjoyable as I find them, they scare me. Call me a control freak. My father was an addict, and when I like something too much that makes me lose control, I take it off the table for good. (Well, my husband excepted, of course.) (See, I still don't have it all out of my system!)
So, as I sat dreamily staring at nothing an unable to make conversation, I had the following medicated Big Thoughts:
1. It is amazing that two teeny tiny itty bitty little red dots I got from an elementary school nurse can make me feel completely unlike myself.
2. I like to feel unlike myself.
3. Drugs are scary.
4. Things we ingest can have a big power over us.
5. You are what you eat.
6. I hope my kids stay the hell away from drugs. Sudafed, fine, but really.
7. It's no damn wonder we have a huge drug problem in our country.
8. When does my Rooster feel like my Rooster? And when doesn't he?
9. If Sudafed feels like that, what must real drugs feel like?
10. There was more, but I've been staring at the screen for 8 minutes now trying to remember what it was, and I think I'm just going to call it a blog and go sleep it off....
Good night
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Two kids, two full time careers - lots of people do it gracefully, but for me it's a challenge, particularly as I struggle with my boy, the rooster, and his "constellation" of health and developmental issues. Medicine so far fails to cure what ails us, so I'm trying a self-prescribed intensive dose of blogging to see if that does the trick.
4 comments:
Explains why that guy came up to me in the city yesterday and said 'pssssst - hey, lady - wanna buy some decongestant?'
Oh dear. Hope the sinus stuff clears up soon!
yikes - love you.
and I'm just the opposite - I HATE that feeling... can't take anything with decongestent or antihistamines in them because they whack me out during the day, and keep me up all night. Don't like the feeling of alcohol either. So fortunately I don't have to worry about becoming a drug addict (which is a good thing, because the diet coke, chocolate, shopping, etc are enough addictions to deal with... :-)
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