Good Night

Okay, so you know how I whine endlessly about being soooo verrrry tired? Well, as overly prone to apologies as I am known to be (just ask Pixie Mama, I am a broken record of "sorry"), I feel kind of justified in the tired department because, on top of working very hard at work and at home, we never seem to actually sleep or even really rest.

But here is the thing.

Every once in a great long while, we have a day that approaches the reasonable mark for work levels and endurability. Like today, for instance --- today felt kind of human, maybe just a tad like regular life.

These rare days are something so coveted and treasured it terrifies me to speak of them. But. They are the days when the tired cranks up to its highest level, and I can barely stand. I don't mean this metaphorically.

I know it doesn't make any sense, but I felt like someone glued me to my chair at the dinner table tonight, and this monsoon of physical fatigue bordering on collapse happens like this every time we have this (rare) tolerably fair kind of a day.

So if this sounds just like my usual complaining, it isn't. It's me thinking about what it means. Why when things feel just a tick better do I feel ten times more tired?

I think it's because I can. I think it's because I spend so many days holding my breath while weight lifting that when I finally exhale and release, my muscles know now they can go limp.

So I'm not complaining about my tired tonight. It's a welcome kind of tired.

Tonight instead of refusing to talk to his ABA therapist, Rooster called out to him, "Excuse, me, JT. May you please sit down and have conversation?" He felt extra motivated to earn his rewards -- 10 minutes of TV time and a walk through the neighborhood's spooky Halloween displays -- and he knows "volleying" is the only way to get them. He answered questions about school (recess was the best part, because he liked playing with the toys), and he asked for clarification when he didn't understand (what does "least favorite?" mean -- oh, that would be his lunch that mommy made "wrong").

Tonight Rooster had all his homework done before I picked him up. (He has a new aide after school --- his third in a month.)

Tonight the Rooster asked questions. He practiced tying his shoes. He ate a good dinner.

I have yawned seven times writing this. My arms feel made of lead. My eyes are watering because they want to shut. I am going to sign off, log off, slack off, and go to sleep. It's 8:26. I'm spent. But that's cool, because I'm going to bed. Because I can. And that's what is really cool. Do you know what I mean?

Do you ever feel like this?

G'night....