Before And After

A few months into Applied Behavioral Analysis, it's time to reflect on what we've learned from having in-home therapists 10 hours a week, besides humility, and how to hide the dirty laundry.

Before ABA, the rooster still needed diapers, though he could only fit his 50 pound body into Goodnights, and could be coerced into using a toilet once or twice a day, maybe.

Now, he looks cute in his cammo underpants, and has accidents three or four times a week, maybe, usually as he's running in vain to make it to the potty on time.

Before ABA, any time you said "no" to the roo, he would lose his mind. And this means any time, including when he asked, "Can I sit on your lap while you drive the car? Can I drive it myself? I NEED TO DRIVE!"

Now, you can say no to roo, as long as you don't bark it at him in an angry voice (who, me?), and after you gently deliver the refusal, he will often say, "Awwwww. Okay, mom," in a "shhheeeesssh, what am I gonna do with you?" tone, and then comply, move on to the next thing, play. And this means sometimes he accepts no for an answer even when his question is, "Can I have a turn now?" (Thanks, ABA, for his ability to ask that question.)

Before ABA, our rooster considered everything in his home his personal jungle gym, and he made no exception for the bodies of visitors.

Now, he still stands on my couch, but he takes his shoes off first, and for everyone NOT blood related, he has started observing "personal space rules."

Before ABA, the word Rooster used with greatest frequency was "AAAAAaaah."

Now, the words he uses most are, "May I..." Kid has a LONG daily wish list, but I'm just thrilled he's ASKING (to wear my jewelry, eat my dinner as well as his own, watch Star Wars, buy a new toy, make out a fort out of my pillows, knock down the tower I just built, use my cell phone... it's a good thing he has adjusted better to the word "no")! I would say ABA has done more for his speech and language development than three speech therapists combined.

Before ABA, attending a party with Roo meant having a battle plan, including an intricate exit strategy, and doing lots of apologizing. Lots.

Last weekend, J took the Roo to a birthday party while I took Peaches out for lunch. J had the easier time, and he had fun. "I pretty much just let him play, and I mostly talked to other parents," he told me, while I gaped, feeling kind of jealous and awestruck. This was a major first, and I know the deities have horrible plans for us next weekend when attend my niece's first birthday for telling you this, but, Wow. When he told me this, I knew it was time to give mad props to ABA.

Maybe the biggest endorsement I can give ABA is this: before ABA, I had no toolkit, and I ran out of patience all the time. Now, I have a toolkit, and I only run out of patience 60 percent of the time! And technically I'm not really eligible for services, so don't let on to the (bankrupt) state of California...

In no way do I have any expertise about therapies, beyond being a mom and a teacher, nor do I know what is right for anyone else's child who has autism. From what I read, there are all kinds of effective ways to help kids, and I certainly understand why ABA isn't right for everyone. I just wanted to take a moment and appreciate all the resources out there who helped point our family toward ABA, because we see the benefits. We still have a long way to go, but already I'm grateful to D, our ABA director, and JT, our ABA provider, beyond my ability to adequately express it.